The Million-Dollar Nudist

Ah, early real estate Mariel. Back when I wore pointy-toed heels to showings, carried a clipboard for notes (because I thought it looked professional), and believed every luxury listing was my big break.

It was 2016-ish. Inventory moved a little slower, and I was thrilled to be showing the most expensive home of my career: a million-dollar ranch-style beauty in Denver’s Central Park neighborhood. We’re talking meticulous landscaping, magazine-worthy photos, and staging that made you want to throw away all your IKEA furniture and start over. It had been sitting vacant on the market for a couple months, so it was listed as a “Go and Show” — meaning showings were automatically approved. Just get the code and go.

What could possibly go wrong?

It was about 5pm on a Tuesday, golden hour lighting, and my buyers had left work early to tour a few homes before sunset. Spirits were high. We pulled up to the home, lights glowing invitingly from inside. I was already planning the “this could be your forever home” pitch.

I did the courteous real estate knock—knock knock knock—because yes, the home was supposed to be vacant, but you never want to walk in on someone mid-move or mid-bubble bath. Silence. Perfect. I retrieved the key, opened the stately arched door with confidence, and stepped inside...

…straight into a scene I was not emotionally prepared for.

Roughly 15 feet away stood a fully grown man. Unclothed. Unbothered. Unashamed.

I don’t know who spotted him first—me or my clients—but suddenly time slowed. There was a moment of stunned silence where our eyeballs registered what our brains simply could not. Then, as if he were the surprised one, the man greeted us with a cheerful:
“Oh hey! Come on in! We're just getting started!”

Reader, I did not go in.

Instead, I slammed the door shut, locked it like I was trapping a ghost inside, and started saying “no no no no no no” like a broken record. My clients and I bolted to the car, drove around the block in silence, and eventually just started nervously laughing and asking, “Did that actually just happen???”

Like any professional trying to salvage the showing day and her dignity, I pulled myself together and powered through the remaining three homes. But let’s be honest, it’s hard to focus on quartz countertops when your brain keeps replaying a surprise encounter with a stranger’s...open floor plan.

Later, I called the listing agent to share the, uh, memorable moment. Her response?

“Ohhhh… yeah, the sellers decided to AirBNB it while it was still listed. Must’ve forgotten to tell the guest about your showing.”

Ah yes, just a casual overlap between potential buyers and a man enjoying some...free-range living. Whoops!

Real Estate Lessons Learned:

🔑 Even if you knock, there may still be a naked man.
🔑 Vacant does not always mean vacant.
🔑 If you're selling your home AND renting it out, for the love of Zillow, tell your guests when strangers might stop by.

And if you’re wondering—yes, the home eventually sold. But not to my buyers. They preferred homes where clothes were...less optional.

If you need a real estate agent with nerves of steel, quick reflexes, and a very thorough knocking policy—I’m your girl. 😉